


Death Comes to Gotham

by DoctorBane



Category: Batman (Comics), Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, The Sandman (Comics)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 15:34:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15537357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorBane/pseuds/DoctorBane
Summary: Grim has been ordered to take Billy and Mandy out on the job. Batman intervenes in a reaping, and things get weirder from there.





	Death Comes to Gotham

_"Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee."_

**DING-DONG**

_"That's not funny, Grim!"_

 

Gotham City. Home to approximately 10 million people.

I am their defender.

I am vengeance. I am the night.

I. Am. Batman.

  
I hear a scream from an alleyway. I look down. There is a man cowering on the ground. Before him is a hooded figure with a scythe.

Wait... Are those... children with him?

No matter. The hooded figure is about to kill the man.

  
"No hard feelin's, mon. I'm just doin' me job," Grim said to the man, almost apologetically. Behind him, Billy was staring, fascinated. Mandy waited next to him, impatient.

Grim's victim couldn't believe what was going on. He'd just been walking home when a tear in the fabric of reality opened up up, and this strange trio had emerged from it. If the skeleton was telling the truth, then he was the Grim Reaper. He certainly looked the part - imposingly tall, with a black cloak that seemed to flow like liquid and a large scythe. But he had a strangely out of place Jamaican accent that made it sound like he was about to start singing reggae music rather than claim the souls of the dead.

His companions were even more out of place. They were two children of about ten. The boy - Billy, he'd been referred to as - seemed touched in the head. He was dressed normally, in jeans, sneakers, a stripy shirt and a red baseball cap. He seemed to have a vapid grin on his face most of the time underneath his oddly large nose, and laughed like a machine gun.

The other child - Mandy - was arguably more frightening than the Reaper himself. Certainly the Reaper seemed frightened of her. She looked normal, which made it even creepier - pink dress with a flower on it, black shoes, a hair band, and blond hair that looked suspiciously like devil horns. She reminded him of the Bat, cold and emotionless.

"Grim, enough with the pleasantries. I asked you to take us with you to see your job, now hurry up and take his soul," Mandy said, pointing at a non-existent watch on her wrist.

"I can't just take his soul while he's terrified, it ain't right," Grim protested. He turned back to the man. "Now look pal, ya need to come wit us. Your time is up, and I'm having a hard enough time keeping to me schedule wit dese two terrors."

"SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!"

"Grim, now please."

"Oh fine then, if it'll shut ya up for a minute or two." Grim raised his scythe, but before he could claim the man's soul, a cloaked figure landed in front of him, blocking his access to his target.

"This man is under my protection", the figure said. "I suggest you surrender and make this easy on yourself."

"FOOLISH MORTAL! HOW DARE YOU CHALLENGE ME! DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM?" Fire burst in Grim's hollow eye sockets, and his voice echoed and boomed, deeper than the depths of Hell.

The figure seemed unimpressed. "You're just more scum preying on the weak and the innocent. I don't know what your deal is, but I warn you. Surrender, and I won't have to cripple you. This is your final warning."

"ENOUGH!" Grim bellowed. "I am de inevitable end of life. I am de one who ferries all to de next stage of existence. I AM DE GRIM REAPER! AND NOW I - OOF!" The cloaked figure had had enough with Grim's endless prattling, and delivered a vicious kick to his ribcage. Grim soared through the air and crashed to the ground.

Billy ran to him. "Grim, are you okay? That guy kicked your butt!" Billy said, before laughing. Mandy meanwhile was standing impassively by the wall. The only change to her expression was a single raised eyebrow. Meanwhile, Grim's would be victim ran past them all in the confusion.

"I warned you," the cloaked figure stated. "Don't get up."

"Fine. If you want to play it rough, I can play rough." Grim rose, took aim with his scythe, and unleashed a blast of shimmering black energy at the figure. The figure leapt in the air, before throwing something at Grim. It hit him in the hand, causing him to drop the scythe on the ground.

"AHH! WHAT IS THIS?" Grim shouted. He looked at his hand. Sticking out of it was a metal object in the shape of a bat.

"Clearly you don't know who I am, Mr Reaper," the figure said. "I'm Batman. And you're in my town." He followed this statement with an uppercut to Grim's large, pronounced jaw. Grim flew through air, his head and body having become separate. His body crashed to the ground, while his head was caught by Mandy.

A look of horror crossed Batman's face. "No! I didn't mean to kill him!"

"Kill him?" Mandy said, the ghost of an evil grin on her face. "You did hear him earlier didn't you? He's the Grim Reaper, he doesn't die."

"Young lady," Batman stated, "I've met the Grim Reaper, and this is not her." Before Mandy could ask just what the hell Batman was talking about, Grim's body grabbed his head and spun it back into place.

"Okay, now I'm really mad. Once I kill you, I'm going to feed you to de Cerberus. And when I get bored of that, I'm going skin you, and throw you in de Styx. And then -" While Grim prattled on, Batman pressed a button on his utility belt. Meanwhile, Billy and Mandy backed away from Grim, towards Batman. It wasn't often that Mandy was scared, but Grim was so angry right now that she was genuinely unnerved, and felt that she should not be in his vicinity. Billy meanwhile was both scared of Grim but also enthralled with Batman, and wanted to see what other cool stuff he might have on him. Grim was so caught up in his speech about what he was going to do to Batman that he completely failed to notice this. He also failed to notice the sound of a car's engine growing louder and louder.

Suddenly, light. The light came from a pair of headlights that appeared at the mouth of the alley behind Grim. The headlights belonged to a huge black car that was speeding towards Batman. Grim finally noticed the noise and turned around just in time to be slammed into by the car, scattering him into pieces. Meanwhile, Batman had grabbed hold of Billy and Mandy and jumped straight up. The car's roof was open, and Batman landed in the driver's seat while Billy and Mandy landed roughly in the two rear seats. The car screeched to a halt, before being slammed into reverse. They shot backwards over what remained of Grim before bursting out of the alley. Throwing the Batmobile into first, Batman, Billy and Mandy sped off through the night.

  
Billy was overjoyed. He had never been in such a cool car before. He didn't even have to put on his seat-belt - the car did it for him! And what's more, the car's name was Alfred, and it was English!

Mandy was unimpressed. This was not how she had planned for her evening to go. She'd wanted to watch a few people get their souls claimed by Grim, and then retire to her bedroom for an uninterrupted night's sleep, preferably with dreams of conquering the world. Instead, her servant had been beaten up and run over - which she had to admit almost made her smile - before herself and Billy were kidnapped by some weirdo who dressed like a flying rodent and drove a car that she suspected was compensating for something. Oh, and he was talking to someone with a sense of humor drier than the Sahara.

"Alfred, there are going to be some unexpected guests at the cave," Batman said through the car's communication system.

"Oh joy, sir. You do know how I love unexpected guests," Alfred replied dryly. The butler had been monitoring the police radio through the Batcomputer when Bruce had called him. "And who are these guests so I can knit them some embroidered sweaters with their names on?"

"They're two children," Batman replied.

"Oh wonderful, sir. You're not recruiting for more sidekicks are you? Unless there are agencies that can file adoptions within minutes, I'm fairly certain that would count as kidnapping."

"No, Alfred," Batman sighed. His butler's sarcasm could start to grate on him at times, and this was one of them. "They were being held hostage by a being who claimed to be the Grim Reaper."

"The Grim Reaper? As in... Death?"

"Yes Alfred."

"Morpheus' sister, Death?"

"No Alfred. This individual was more of a... classical Grim Reaper. He was a skeleton with a scythe."

"Maybe she's outsourcing."

"Whatever the case, the children need to be reunited with their parents," Batman stated, swerving around a corner. Behind him, Billy was laughing with glee and excitement. Mandy was pondering on how long it would be before the Bonehead tried to get back at Batbrain.

As if she had summoned him, a portal opened up in front of them. Grim stepped out. He appeared to be trying to work out where exactly they were. He was also facing away from the car, and so failed to notice it until he was mowed down again.

"SON OF A CERBERUSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Grim's head hollered as it bounced off the windscreen. Before Alfred could comment on what exactly he had just heard, the Batmobile and Batcomputer both picked up police chatter.

"Attention all units, the Joker is at City Hall. Repeat, the Joker is at City Hall. He has bombs surrounding the building, and is demanding that Batman meet him before he gets bored and blows the place up. We have reason to believe there are hostages, repeat there are hostages."

"That's not good," Batman stated.

"No it isn't."

"I have to get there now."

"Sir, what about the children? You can't bring them, the Joker's a lunatic," Alfred warned.

"I don't have time to do anything else. They'll be fine in the car."

"Sir, what if this Grim Reaper finds you again?"

"Then I keep running him over," Batman replied dryly.

  
As it turned out, that wasn't going to be an option. Just as they were approaching City Hall, a blast of eldritch energy struck the Batmobile. The armor was able to withstand some of the blast, but not all of it. The car flipped several times while Billy screamed incoherently and Mandy shouted "Nice going Bonehead!" The car came to a rest right way up, missing most of the roof.

"Are you both alright?" Batman groaned. Billy kept screaming incoherently until Mandy slapped him.

"Yeah. We're fine," she said. Batman was surprised by how she was taking this all in her stride. Apart from just before they had escaped in the car, she had shown little reaction to the insanity going on around them. Was she suffering from shell shock?

  
They had all just climbed out of the car's wreckage when Batman heard a familiar laugh.

"BATMAN! Looks like someone needs to retake driver's ed! HAHAHA." The Joker had come over to the wreckage, purple coat blowing in the breeze.

"And who are these two little kids? You're not recruiting again are you? Not after how things went with Jason Todd?"

Batman had to restrain himself from snapping the Joker's neck right there and then. "What do you want, Joker?" Batman growled. The Joker was just about to answer but was interrupted by a scream.

"AAAAAHHHH! CLOWN! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Billy had gone positively manic. He ran over to the Joker and headbutted him. Winded, the Joker dropped something. The detonation device for the bombs. Batman dived forwards and caught it just before it landed on the button. Joker had meanwhile recovered from Billy's terrified attack, and hit him once.

"Impudent brat!" Joker snarled. Mandy meanwhile had been watching all this without reaction. Billy's attack had been expected - he was terrified of clowns, and would fly into a rage upon seeing one. That being said, Joker attacking Billy had angered her. As much as she hated to admit it, Billy was a friend, and she did not appreciate people attacking her friend. She marched over to the Joker. "Hey, clown-face!"

  
The Joker could not believe what he was seeing. This little girl, no older than ten or eleven, was challenging him? Him, the Joker? The Clown Prince of Crime, the Harlequin of Hate? She dared to challenge him? "And what do you want, my dear? A balloon animal? How about I stain that pretty pink dress of yours red? Don't worry, it'll only hurt so long as you're alive!" the Joker guffawed at her.

  
Batman had managed to disable the detonation device. He turned around in time to see the Joker fallen on the ground. The girl meanwhile was standing next to him. Just as Batman was about to secure the Joker, a portal opened in between them.

"You have no escape now, mon. The children are me friends, and now you are mine," Grim stated. However, just before he could reap Batman's soul, he noticed Billy lying on the ground. "What happened ta him?" Grim asked.

"The clown guy over here hit him," Mandy said. "I hit him back."

"Is dat so? Well den..." The Joker sat up just in time to see a black-hooded figure looming over him.

  
"You dare injure dis child? If anyone is going to do dat, it's ME!" Grim raised his scythe. Batman threw another batarang at him. This caused Grim to blast a weak bolt of energy at him, stunning him. He turned back to the Joker, who sat motionless. As Grim raised his scythe, the Joker started laughing maniacally. It did not seem to stop until several seconds after the Reaper had claimed his soul.

  
"Now do ya believe that I'm the Grim Reaper?" Grim asked. He was standing over Batman, ready to claim his soul.

"No. I've met Death, and you are not her," Batman stated. Twin flames burst in the Reaper's eye sockets, and he raised his scythe once more.

"Stop."

"Oh what is it n-" Grim began, before realizing just who he was talking to.

Death of the Endless stood before him.

"I said, stop," she repeated. "Or do you want my brother to curse your dreams?"

"No no, that's quite alright Mistress Death," Grim said. "Come along now children, we should be getting back home."

"Goodbye Batman," Billy chirped happily.

"See ya, Batbrain," Mandy said, stepping after Billy through the portal. Grim hurried through, before the portal closed behind them. Batman struggled to his feet to try and go after them, but it was too late.

"Death!" he shouted. "Bring them back! That creature kidnapped them!"

"Quite the contrary, Bruce Wayne", Death replied. "He's actually their servant."

"What on Earth does that mean?" Batman asked incredulously. The idea that someone claiming to be the Grim Reaper was the servant of two children was ridiculous.

"Well, a few years ago I decided I needed an occasional assistant. It gets tiring having to be everywhere, easing everyone over to the other side." Death sat down on the grass, clearly tired. "So I decided to ask Grim." Batman realised with a tired chuckle that Alfred's joke about outsourcing was actually the truth.

"He seemed happy enough with the idea, and so his first assignment was a hamster. The hamster just so happened to belong to those two children - Billy and Mandy."

"I assume they were unwilling to give up the hamster?" Batman deduced.

"Ever the detective. So they decided to wager the hamster's soul on a game of limbo. If they won, they got to keep the hamster. If Grim won, he got the hamster. Simple enough, really." Death sighed, and crossed her legs. "Of course, he decided to up the stakes. He was so confident he would win, that he said that if they won he would be their best friend forever."

"Let me guess," Batman said. "He lost."

"Indeed. So now, he has to be their friend forever. And believe me, he is in a far worse prison than even your Arkham Asylum."

  
"So Grim, you're not actually the true Grim Reaper?" Mandy said. They were back home, Billy running around like a maniac. "And why would you neglect to tell us this?"

"Er, well, da ting is -"

"Shut up. You do realise you're in a lot of trouble for not being honest, right?"

"I loathe you."


End file.
